Using Metaphors: The Balcony of Objectivity

Thank you for walking through the chapters of my book during the last few months. I have enjoyed sharing the techniques with you and hope that some of the insights have helped you become more objective in managing your emotions. I am a great believer in metaphors helping us understand and connect concepts on a subconscious level; after all, a picture in your mind’s eye has the potential to speak a thousand words to your soul.

So, using the metaphor of the Balcony and the Dancefloor, remember that in the grand ballroom of life, emotions swirl like dancers, moving to the rhythm of our experiences. We find ourselves on the dancefloor, caught amid these intricate steps, sometimes tripping over our own emotions and stumbling into moments of chaos. But as we explore emotional management techniques, we discover the power to ascend from the dancefloor to the serene vantage point of the balcony of objectivity. My book has attempted to guide you through this journey, unveiling the art of understanding, harnessing, and mastering your emotions.

Just as a dancer becomes attuned to their body’s movements, emotional management requires developing self-awareness. Therefore, reading and re-reading the chapters will help you remember and ingrain the techniques in your mind so that they become second nature—ready to use when you are in the throes of emotion. The only thing that overrides the amygdala alarm is when a technique or behaviour is second nature, much like soldiers drilling a defensive manoeuvre over and over before the battle begins. What is required from you, therefore, is to commit to this process and drill the techniques into your mind before you need them.

To further explain the metaphor, we can think of it as follows: over the past year, on the journey we’ve taken together, we began with introspection—learning where our emotions are born, identifying how they sway us, and recognising the common patterns of emotional responses we have. The dancefloor, with its myriad emotions, has taught us that understanding the nuances of our feelings is crucial to stepping onto the path of emotional mastery.

Acknowledging emotions is like accepting dance partners for what they are—unique and diverse. We have come to appreciate that each emotion carries its own message and seeks a unique expression. Just as a dancer honours their partner’s moves, we’ve learned to honour our emotions, observing them with curiosity and allowing them to unfold without judgment. This acceptance becomes the pivotal point from which we begin our ascent to the balcony of objectivity.

As we conclude our exploration, it is fitting to reflect on the wisdom we have gained along this journey. The metaphor of climbing from the dancefloor to the balcony encapsulates the essence of our endeavour: to rise above the chaotic tangle of emotions and observe our experiences from a place of clarity, curiosity, and calm.

From the vantage point of the balcony, the dancefloor appears different. Similarly, as we ascend into emotional management, our perspective shifts. We have explored techniques to detach ourselves from overwhelming emotions, thereby gaining clarity to see situations anew. This new perspective empowers us to make conscious, intelligent choices—responding to situations with thought and wisdom rather than reacting impulsively.

In the dance of life, missteps are inevitable, just as in our emotional journey. Yet, we have discovered the rhythm of emotional resilience that allows us to gracefully recover from setbacks. Through the previous pages, we have learned to adapt and grow from challenges, transforming them into opportunities for development and resilience. These emotional interactions now form the music that guides our ascent to higher perspectives.

On our balcony of objectivity, we began to grow a supple tree of resilience by learning what optimal growth conditions are. These included identifying our underlying values and life philosophies to help us understand how our life decisions are formed. By becoming aware of this process, it became easier for us to understand and accept our emotional reactions and to see where we would like to end up one day. We learned that by visualising our happy, optimal end destination, it became easier to navigate our route and decide how to get there.

We also found that imagining ourselves living in this happy place helped us make better decisions along the way. Self-understanding and acceptance came from exploring what we value in life, understanding our personality structure, reflecting on life’s truths, and considering its core questions. We found that learning from ancient and modern philosophies, taking personality tests, and choosing elements that resonate with us and align with our values can help with self-understanding. This understanding also builds resilience, tolerance, and adaptability and helps us remain objective while continuing the journey towards our goals.

We found that the combination of the life rules you value, your personality structure, and having a growth mindset—in which you interpret the world favourably—determines the level of emotional resilience you have and how you cope with the curveballs life throws you.

By studying Martin Seligman’s PERMA Plus model, we became aware of which emotional nutrients need to be present to help us flourish emotionally, reduce emotional distress, and remain firmly on the balcony of objectivity.

We then moved from the abstract precursors toward managing emotions by exploring the ABCDE of emotional responses and focusing on the importance of the thinking–feeling, or the B–C, connection. The ABCDE of thinking helped us understand how our explanations of situations drive our emotional reactions. We explored emotional management techniques that helped us examine unhelpful explanations that kept us stuck on the dancefloor of emotion. This included investigating skewed explanations, such as the 3 P’s—pervasiveness, permanence, and personalisation—and learning to surf emotions for the relatively short, albeit uncomfortable, time they last.

We learned to manage specific and pervasive emotions, including anxiety, sadness, and anger. Anxiety was managed through breathing, muscle relaxation, emotion surfing, visualisation, desensitisation, thought stopping, worry time, and AAR journaling. Sadness was tackled by seeking pleasure and achievement, activating your inner optimist, learning hopefulness, and having a dance with your meme. Anger was managed by turning off your amygdala alarm, turning inward, using time-outs, staying goal-focused, engaging in stewing time, kicking the fair-world fallacy, communicating assertively, and using OTSAR.

By embracing emotional management, we are not suppressing our emotions or denying their existence. Instead, we have learned to dance more effectively with them, to observe their movements without losing our own footing. This journey has reminded us that emotions are not adversaries; they are partners in the grand dance of life. With each step we take on this path, we contribute to our own growth, well-being, and the enrichment of our connections with others.

So, as we step back into the dance of life, let us carry with us the lessons learned on this journey. Let us remember the beauty of the balcony view, the perspective gained, and the strength cultivated. And as the music plays on, we continue to dance—this time with a newfound sense of grace, wisdom, and emotional mastery.

In the end, your inner tree stands as a testament to your journey of self-discovery, resilience, and emotional intelligence. As you look upon the branches that have grown from seeds of intention and the roots that have anchored you in your values, take pride in the progress you have made. And as you stand beneath the canopy of your emotional growth, know that you have the power to weather any storm and bask in the sunlight of your own strength from the balcony of objectivity.