Using personal values to Develop a motivating life philosophy

Value research rapidly progressed during the disruption of Covid-19. Because Covid-19 caused isolation from societal interactions, researches started paying more attention to personal values. One such study was done by The University of Western Australia that published an online value questionnaire that allows you to get your personal value profile in seven minutes. Have a look at https://survey.thevaluesproject.com/

Another site that is worth visiting for their online questionnaire is Personal Values Assessment https://personalvalu.es/. This site enables you to learn more about our personal values, as opposed to societal values that are the values that Aurelius advocates. When you complete this assessment, you will get a ranking of the top five personal values that guides your life and the questionnaire includes amongst others areas such as family, health, security, freedom and trust that guide the personal decisions you make. In 2022, Martin Seligman, compiled the most recent values questionnaire based on current research called the Values in Action Test (https://www.viacharacter.org), that will give you a ranking of 24 personal values that you use to guide your life and include the following:

1. Love: Valuing close relations with others, particularly those with which sharing and caring are reciprocated; being close to people.

2. Humour: Liking to laugh and tease; smiling and seeing the light side; making (not necessarily telling) jokes.

3. Forgiveness: Forgiving those who have done wrong; accepting others’ shortcomings; giving people a second chance; not being vengeful.

4. Appreciation of Beauty and Excellence: Noticing and appreciating beauty, excellence, and/or skilled performance in various domains of life, from nature to art to mathematics to science to everyday experience.

5. Spirituality: Having coherent beliefs about the higher purpose and meaning of the universe; knowing where you fit within the larger scheme; having beliefs about the meaning of life that shape conduct and provide comfort.

6. Hope: Expecting the best in the future and working to achieve it; believing that a good future is something that can be brought about.

7. Curiosity: Taking an interest in ongoing experiences; finding subjects and topics fascinating; enjoying exploring and discovering.

8. Zest: Approaching life with excitement and energy; not doing things halfway or half- heartedly; living life as an adventure; feeling alive and activated.

9. Perseverance: Finishing what you start; persevering despite obstacles; taking pleasure in completing tasks.

10. Love of Learning: Mastering new skills, topics and knowledge, whether alone or formally; adding knowledge systematically to what you already know.

11. Social Intelligence: Being aware of the motives and feelings of yourself and others; knowing what to do to fit into different social situations; knowing what makes other people tick.

12. Honesty: Being truthful and acting and presenting in a sincere and genuine way without pretence; taking responsibility for your feelings and actions.

13. Kindness: Doing favours and good deeds for others; helping and taking care of others.

14. Gratitude: Being thankful for good things that happen; taking time to express thanks.

15. Perspective: Being able to provide wise counsel to others; having ways of looking at the world that make sense to yourself and others.

16. Leadership: Encouraging a group of which one is a member to get things done and at the same time maintain good relations within the group; organizing group activities and seeing that they happen.

17. Teamwork: Working well as a member of a group or team; being loyal to the group and doing your share.

18. Creativity: Thinking of new and productive ways to thing about and do things. This may include artistic achievement but is not limited to it.

19. Fairness: Treating all people the same; being fair and just; not letting feelings bias decisions about others; giving everyone an equal chance.

20. Humility: Letting your accomplishments speak for themselves; not regarding yourself as more special than you are.

21. Judgment: Not jumping to conclusions but thinking things through and examining them from all sides; changing your mind after considering evidence; weighing all evidence fairly.

22. Bravery: Not shrinking from threat, challenge, difficulty, or pain; speaking up for what is right even if there is opposition; acting with convictions even if it is unpopular; this includes physical bravery but is not limited to it.

23. Prudence: Being careful about your choices; not taking undue risks; not saying or doing things that you may later be regret.

24. Self-Regulation: Regulating what you feels and do; being disciplined; controlling your appetites and emotions.

You can complete yours in 24 minutes at https://www.viacharacter.org/ ©2022 VIA Institute on Character. Once you have completed your profile think of and memorise the results. Try to remember your top 5 values and carry them with you in your mind. You will be surprised how much of your behaviour and the decisions you make will start to make sense when you know what your top 5 values are. Your will also forgive yourself much easier when you make a judgement mistake if you know your values and be much more open to change your mind about the usefulness of holding onto a value when you know that it is no longer serving you.

In this regard I can mention that I grew up in South Africa during the Apartheid years. Apartheid is a societal philosophy that has at its essence the value of segregation and uneven distribution of privileges and wealth. As a white Afrikaans speaking female, I had a privileged upbringing during these years as this societal philosophy entitled me to all the best things that society had to offer. I was taught that people of colour were beneath me and only worthy as servants to satisfy my every whim, including cleaning up after me, not using the same public facilities that I did and not having access to the same quality education I had. This regime taught me that people of colour were not as worthy or intelligent as I was. Because of this, I thought that it was justified that I lived apart from people of colour in the best suburbs and that they were not worthy of the privileges that I was.

However, when I went to university I met and studied with several black ladies in the dormitory that I lived in and had many late-night debates about religion and politics with these girls. I also got to know one girl, Rose, very well and became close friends with her. We used to discuss many heartfelt topics, including boyfriends and love late into the night. It was my friendship with Rose that resulted in a value crisis. I went to the cinema one day and watched the movie “Cry Freedom” with her that was about the black political activist Steve Biko, who challenged the white Apartheid regime to better the lives of people of colour in South Africa and lost his life in the process. After the movie Rose gave me a detailed account of her experiences growing up in a country where she was seen as the least deserving and where she had to fight for every educational privilege she could. As a black woman she was at the bottom of the pecking order in this society with white people and black males trumping her at every move.

I was shocked at Rose’s account of her history as I had never been exposed to any of this while growing up and with living apart from the sector of society Rose grew up in. This movie and the discussions I had with Rose about it shook the beliefs that were drilled into me during my upbringing as a white privileged female. I was so shaken up about Rose and Steve Biko’s experiences that I called my farther on the pay phone that night. We did not have mobile phones in those years. My father, a liberal white man practicing as a criminal attorney frequently defended people of colour in court, was confronted with a sobbing daughter blaming him for sheltering her from the reality of what was going on in South Africa during my childhood and raging against him and our beliefs. I blamed him for not making me understand the extent of the pain and discrimination that was inflicted on the black people in our beautiful country. He patiently explained that many white people including himself were trying to change the regime from within, but that this was just as perilous as the direct onslaught from without. He also explained that his job as a father was to keep his family safe. That night I let go of my value that racial segregation was acceptable resulting in me forming many close, meaningful and satisfying relationships with people of colour in my life and forgiving my father who did what he thought was best to protect his family. I hope this example gives you a glimpse into how confronting your life philosophy can result in intense emotional reactions but that if you are brave enough to examine it and be open to changing your values if they no longer serve you, you can be ready to move forward with more satisfaction and tolerance in your life.

Now that you understand that what you have learnt in society (nurture) affects your emotional reactions, let’s have a look at how your inherited personality (nature) can affect your emotional reactions and how becoming aware of who you are as a person can help you grow your emotional resilience.